Me versus the scale – Blog 3

Moving Forward

I want to start off my blog by reporting that I lost 3.6 pounds last week. Before we pull out the steamer and dance a jig, I want to temper excitement because will it is great to be down 3.6 pounds I was up 5 pounds over the past two weeks before last week which means that collectively I am still up 1.4 pounds. Additionally I weighed on at 260.2 which means that if today was weigh in day I would have gained 1.8 pounds.

Today I have a doctor’s appointment. This highlights one other factor that comes up with the weight loss and that is health. In my last blog I talked about motivation. When it comes to weight loss for many the primary motivation is external, aka looking good for beach season. But when you get older and more established in your relationship health actually takes a the forefront. You start thinking about things like your A1C and cholesterol. You start to wonder if these numbers will shorten your life. And add into it that I suffer with OCD and the thoughts go to some dark places that I don’t like.

That being said my A1C was 6.6, which is high but it’s been about that for some time. My triglycerides where his at 181  but they are down from 298 on my last lipid test. My glucose was 103 which is a little high but it was 131 in April so that is an improvement. The weird result was when I was told that protein is spilling into my urine. I’ve heard that report before but it’s always weird. And I am sure that my weight will be lower. So with all of that being said my health is better than it was in April. So that does push me to try and be better and press on.

So as the title of this blog says, I move forward. I have been working on healthier snacking. That is probably my Achilles heal. My breakfast is almost always the same and it pretty health. Lunches and dinners are normally pretty healthy I eat a lot of veggies and less carbs for lunch and dinner.

Well this blog is a bit different. I started it on Wednesday and finished it on Thursday. I weighed in this morning at 258.2, a loss of 0.2. TO be honest I am not sure how to feel about that. On one side I didn’t gain weight which is a good thing. On the flip side I was on target all week and only lost 0.2. But like the title says, moving forward. As I stated I am not quitting. I may just have to sludge forward.

Me versus the scale – Blog 2

Motivation

So before I jump into this week’s topic I should give my update as to how it went last week on the scale. I got out of bed and weighed in at 262. That was a gain of 3 pounds. Couple that with the 2 pounds that I gained the week before and I have gained 5 pounds in two weeks. And like last week, I didn’t do anything horrible. I didn’t suck down 6 cheeseburgers and 4 baskets of fries and a case of beer. I went a little over the weekend before by having a few beers but nothing insane.

I have to admit that my weight loss journey has been difficult over the past few days for a couple reasons. The term soul crushing hit my mind a few weeks ago in reference to weight loss. While it is an amazing feeling to get on the scale and see that you’ve lost weight gaining has a, well soul crushing feeling. I stepped off the scale at around 5:05 am on Thursday seeing the numbers 2-6-2 and was crushed. I walked into my bedroom, told my half awake wife that I gained 3 pounds, got dressed and headed down stairs to feed the cats and get my day started.

My mood was pretty down for all of Thursday. I am a creature of habit. I bring my lunch in along with snacks and by 11:30 most days I have eaten both my snacks and my lunch. I ate my normal 9 point breakfast and then didn’t eat anything until 12:30. And even at that point I had to mentally force myself to eat by reminding myself that I am diabetic and not eating can be dangerous. I grabbed a chicken salad wrap from Royal Farms on the way home and that is the only food that I ate for that day.

The other reason that the past few days were tough highlights one huge struggle that I have in my life. My wife and I went to an amazing Christian music festival in Shippensburg Pennsylvania called Uprise. It was so uplifting and helped me get out of the doldrums that I had been dealing with. But the challenge came because one of the biggest challenges to weight loss is a break in routine. I read once that on average weight goes up over the weekend and comes back down through the week. That is because on the weekends we do things like socialize and have fun. So as much as I tried this past weekend with the concert was a challenge.

So onto my topic this week, motivation. The real question for motivation comes down to a simple question. What are my goals? When things are going well with a diet the goals are simple. Lose a ton of weight and be mistaken for Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. When things aren’t going well the goals change. I have to admit that I have had to tone back my expectancies. I remember when I was dieting back in 2017 and doing really well I had the lofty goal of hitting 200 pounds. I remember some one scoffing at that. But I was on fire and was going to conquer the weight loss world. With the number being up in the air right now I have focused on different goals. The first one I mentioned in last week’s blog. That was to not end up in a wheel chair and be wearing size 50 plus pants. Though that goal has been successfully met it’s still in my mind. It’s part of what motivates me to at the least not quit dieting. The fear of being over 300 pounds is very real. I have also focused on other goals of breaking bad habits like snacking when not hungry and eating healthier food. Couple these with my continued desire to be active and I have had success even if the scale disagrees.

The other deeper question has to do with what extent I will go to to lose weight. To quote Casper Va Dien from Starship Troopers “Do you want to live forever?” I ask this because I start thinking about this when I think about weight loss. One huge reason for weight loss is to extend our lives. Research and data shows a direct correlation between being weight and longevity of life. The question is where is the balance? On one extreme I could eat what ever I want, never do any unnecessary exercise and drink beer till I can’t stand. The other extreme is to have a diet that is free of any fats and run 10 miles a day. I feel like I fall in the middle. I say this because by choosing to be in the middle I also have to accept that I may not live to be 90.

So while I don’t have an answer for what motivates me to continue when things are not going well I know that fear won’t let me quit.

A quick note before I close up, I weighed in this morning at 260.8. I was exhausted from my very fun but long weekend so after work yesterday I chose to hit the couch as soon as work was over and pretty much stay there until I went to bed. If I can have a reasonable eating evening and hit the treadmill 260 is possible. But who knows.

Dealing with Failure

My family and I recently went to see The Dark Knight Rises at the “cheap seats” as I call them in York PA ($2.50 matinees, can’t beat it). In one scene, Bruce Wayne played by Christian Bale is struggling to get his strength back and starts having hallucinations. One visions he sees is his father reaching down for him and in the back ground, you faintly hear “why do we fall down.” I instantly thought “so that we can learn to gt abck up.” This is a reference to the first movie in the series, Batman Begins. I mentioned to my youngest son later on that I always like that line. he politely told me that the line was a bit corny and I agreed.

But I thought about this some more after this and I found myself doing some self reflection and I realized why I liked this “corny” saying. It comes to my belief that dealing with our failures helps us find success. Failure is inevitable. At some point, you will fail. And generally, the bigger the risk, the bigger the potential failure. But the key is how we deal with failing. We have take something from failure. We can’t ignore. George Santayana coined the phrase “Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”  He wasn’t talking about learning from success. He was talking about looking at your mistakes so you don’t make them again.

On the flip side, you can’t dwell on failure. I heard it said that great quarterbacks have short memories. They don’t dwell on mistakes like interceptions or dropped passes. The great ones come out firing after making a mistake. It’s easy to beat yourself up, partially because it seems like an easier alternative to trying again. And we all love a good pity party. I have hosted more of my own than I can count. But there not constructive. I heard a line is a gospel song that went “failure opens doors to start again.” An open door is only useful if you go through it.

No matter what colorful metaphor you need like get back in the saddle or back in the race, failures biggest curse is that often paralyzes us. We take on the attitude that if you do nothing, you can’t fail. The real core of this is self doubt. You don’t make decisions because you are scared to make a mistake again. This has plagued me for many years. I have a tough time looking back on past failures and putting them out of my memory. My past failures haunt me. When I look at myself, I realize that I may never be able to truly escape this feeling. I will have to learn how to manage this and to certain extent I already have.

Me versus the scale – Introduction

9-15-2021

I have been thinking about a weight loss blog for some time. I wanted a way to put all of the crazy thoughts that roll around in my brain on something to help me deal with all of the emotions related to weight loss. I want to start by saying in my 48 years of life dealing with my weight has been my biggest adversary. I have been over weight for as long as I can remember. I asked my parents when my weight issue started and they tell me that it started when I was between 8 and 10. I grew up in an age where our parents didn’t have a million pictures of me so pictures of me as a youngster are scarce. I do recall seeing a picture of me when I was about 5 in back of my dad’s van with headphones on. I wasn’t heavy then but outside of that I don’t have concrete details.

I do know that growing up as a kid I gained a reputation as a kid that loves to eat. My grandparents told the story of going to a buffet and thinking that I was done they paid the check only to see me get more food. It was kind of a cute story but it really illustrates that I love eating. I still do. But surprisingly that isn’t the most difficult aspect of my weight loss battle or struggle or journey. Hopefully through this blog I can lock down that word. But that is a discussion for a different chapter of this.

While my weight has fluctuated over the years I have always been heavy. The lone period of my modern life started in my senior year of high school when my dad put me in weight watchers. I had amazing success and got down under 200 pounds. I think that I bottomed out at around 185 pounds. One the memories from this time was working in the McDonalds drive thru in Cape St. Claire and looking at my reflection in the glass and taking my hand and running it straight down my waist. It is a memory that still makes me smile. It was great for me on a number of levels. First is that it provides me confidence knowing that I was once normal.

I am sure that if you are reading this what I said makes you upset or offended. But is how being heavy feels. You feel like someone that sees all of his friends in a group that you can’t be part of. You feel like an outcast. The other aspect that is nice is that I was able to take pictures of all of my senior events like graduation and prom thinner. One thing that you realize when you have a weight issue is that the normal life events that generate pictures are not pleasant. Nothing will make you feel worse than to be in picture with other people that aren’t over weight. Or worse yet, and this has happened to me is to see a bunch of pictures at an event that you were present and you aren’t in many. It’s sad but I’ve grown to understand why that is.

I kept the weight off through most of college. I was very active in college. I played rugby and swam and biked everywhere. I moved off of campus my junior year and biked everywhere until my bike was stolen and then I walked. I got a car my senior year and then got married. This was the beginning of the end. You will hear people trying to caution someone that is young that likes to eat that once they stop being active the weight will quickly be put on. I learned in my early 20’s how true that is. I graduated, became a dad and started my career and the weight followed.

One misconception about someone that is over weight is that some how they aren’t aware of their weight. Trust me, we know. On top of having weight issues I also talk very fast. I can’t tell you the number of times that someone has said to me “do you know that you talk really fast?” Throw in people serenading in “Oh Danny Boy” and I can’t think of anything that I have heard more in my life. That being said I had a real epiphany while clothes shopping one day. Besides the number on the scale clothes size is another indicator as to the progress of weight management is going. At the time of my epiphany I was wearing a size 48 jean. I went to local clothing store and tried on a pair of slacks that were 48s and were tight. I panicked. I knew that the next step was a 50. And what followed was really not good. If I recall correctly I was in my early forties at this point.

This scare jarred me and started on my modern weight loss efforts. I started walking. I had watched my first farther in law die much younger than he should. By the time that he passed away he was unable to walk up the stairs at the library. He was forced to use the elevator.

This scare jarred me and started on my modern weight loss efforts. I started walking. I had watched my first farther in law die much younger than he should. By the time that he passed away he was unable to walk up the stairs at the library. He was forced to use the elevator. I didn’t have the eating thing down yet but I knew that there was a direct correlation between activity and long life. I am remarried and my father in law is an amazing man. He is in his mid 80’s and is incredibly active. We went out canoeing a couple of years ago and he was the in the back.

While I was just jumping into changing my eating habits I knew that there was a direct correlation between activity and long life. I am remarried and my father in law is an amazing man. He is in his mid 80’s and is incredibly active. We went out canoeing a couple of years ago and he was the in the back.

I became really obsessed with walking. At the time I was living close to the rail trail in Glen Rock Pennsylvania. I walked it regularly. I ended up going as far south as the Maryland border and as far north as Seven Valleys. At times I would walk up to ten miles at a time.

While I was working on being more active developing better eating habits was something that I had less immediate success with. Like most people my age I looked to technology to help. I downloaded a couple different calorie counters like My fitness pal on my phone. It helped me to at least be aware of what I was eating. I recall a program I watched where the makers of the show observed 2 or 3 people that were bed ridden due to their weight issues for a period of a few days and tracked what they ate. And then the asked the people if they knew how many calories that had eaten. They were all way off. They would guess 3,000 to 4,000 calories. Most were consuming over 10,000 calories a day. This showed me that most people have no idea how much they consume.

I had moderate success exercising and counting calories. I stopped the eating habits that was making me gain weight and things improved. Then in the summer of 2014 my life took a major change when my first wife and I separated. The weight loss actually improved because I found myself dating and I had more time for walking. That being said at that time the lowest I could get to was 285 but for a guy that topped out at 312 this was an improvement.

March of 2015 I started dating my amazing wife Cindy. I was smitten with this amazing woman and I proposed in December of 2015. We bought a house together and moved our four kids in the follow March and were married August 6^th of 2016 we were married. Cindy is amazing partner and has really helped me with my weight loss journey (I like journey).

January of 2017 Cindy approached me with the idea of joining weight watchers. Both of us had been successful with weight watchers in the past. So on January 31^st 2017 we walked in the Hampton Inn in Shrewsbury Pennsylvania and started. That day I hit the scales at 294 pounds and it began.

My success started immediately. I lost 7.4 pounds the first week, though I seem to remember having a stomach virus. But it counted and the following week I lost another 3.8 pounds. Success continued and I hit my lowest point on November 14^th 2017 when I weighed in at 257.4. At that point I had lost 36.6 pounds. From that point up to the beginning of this year my weight went up and down. Additionally during this time period my oldest son Bryce joined weight watchers and lost an incredible amount of weight. Unfortunately he ended up putting all of it back on.

The beginning of this year my wife decided to change things up and dropped Weight Watchers. We had decided at some point a year or so before that to go virtual and weigh in at home. It was cheaper and when the coronavirus hit we were in a good place. Cindy decided to go with a program called Noom. It was similar to weight watchers but gave her additional coaching. She had success. This motivated me and I started tracking everything in weight watchers and exercising regularly. I also had success.  When I started my revival in January of this year I was 284 pounds. On September 2^nd I weighed in at 257.

This brings me to where I am at now. It sounds like everything is great right. Well this brings me to why I am writing this blog. The date it September 15^th and this morning I weighed in this morning at 262.4 pounds. Yep you can do the math. That is 5.4 pounds heavier. If you are wondering if I’ve spent the past 13 days eating french fries and cheeseburgers and drinking cases of beer or sleeping all day long you would be wrong. I have enjoyed a few beers each week and had a few fries here and there and the only cheeseburgers was a turkey burger out at lunch with my parents. And I have continued the same exercise regiment that got me here. Long story short I have done nothing differently than I’ve done since January.

For the record tomorrow is weigh in day and I don’t know what I will be at. It causes me anxiety. It scares me that I hit the wall in 2017 at 257.4 and now here I am in 2021 hitting the wall again at 257 pounds. You often hear about athletes or sports teams that have things that they can’t overcome. Peyton Manning struggled against Florida in college. Michael Jordan struggled to get past the Pistons in the 80’s. And you hear that these athletes get it stuck in their head. While Jordan did finally vanquish the Pistons others have not been that fortunate. The John Stockton Karl Malone Jazz never conquered the Bulls. The Ryan Sandberg led Cubs never broke the curse. And like these examples when you hit the wall dieting the voices start to creep in. Maybe I am never meant to be thinner. Maybe I should just be content with how I look.

As glum as this looks I do want to point out that I have plenty of silver linings. First I have many people in my life that love me no matter how heavy I am including an amazing wife that loves me and loved me when I was 294. She is a wonderful partner that encourages me and makes me feel special. I have also improved my health. I have type two diabetes and have brought my numbers way down to a controllable level. And finally I am eating much better. I have successfully incorporated healthy eating habits like eating and enjoying fruits and vegetables. I also eat mostly turkey bacon and egg beaters for breakfast and eat mostly seafood and poultry as opposed to red meat. I recently chuckled when I commented to Cindy that we were out of broccoli. If you had told me 6 years ago that we were out of broccoli I would have thought that you were crazy.

So each week I will report how I am doing and give my thoughts on how things are going. Wish me luck.

Better

Election day is upon us and as always we are being over run with political ads, mud-slinging and promises that are sure to be forgotten by our politicians in the months and years to follow. With the rise of social media we are more inundated than ever with political rhetoric and catch phrases like “read my lips, no new taxes.”

As much as I have followed all this and joined in on the debating, I have tried to simplify my feelings and come down to the heart of how I feel and to be honest I am really just tired of watching the economy and the overall quality of life in this country get worse. I don’t like watching our country hated throughout the world. And I hate watching out politicians on both sides of the aisle ignore us and then pretend to care about the people that they represent only when they need ours votes.

But through all of the political debates and fund-raising, one word comes to mind over all of the rest.

Better.

More than anything, I just want things to be better.  I want better education for my children and better job opportunities when they have to go out and make their way in the future. I want a stronger economy so that those who want to work can find good jobs. I hate seeing hard working people resorted to take any job that they can get just to be able to pay their bills, especially those that bought into the belief that the sacrifice and work that it takes to get a college education would provide them better opportunities.

It pains me to see our country take a back seat to other countries. I am proud to be an American. I’m proud of our rich heritage and proud history. I love the stories we here about people coming to this country with nothing but the clothes on their back because they knew that America meant that they would have the opportunity build their lives through hard work and perseverance. These are the people that have made us the greatest country in the world and it’s this spirit that has made this country strong. I hate feeling like this spirit is dying.

Please don’t see the purpose of this blog to spread my politics to anyone. Even though we may not agree on how to do it, I think most of us all want the same thing and we all believe that the candidate that we are backing and voting for will achieve it. We want it better.

Success

I am not sure if this is some form of mid life crisis or just a wierd phase in my life but I have been struggling with the idea of success. I guess my struggles come down to whether I feel that I have been successful. Most people that know me think that this is a crazy idea. They tell me that I have raised two wonderful sons and gave my wife the opportunity to stay home and help my sons become the people that they are. I know that people will tell me that I have a good job and I have a masters degree and that I am a college professor. And for the most part, I agree that I have had success.

The problem becomes me. I guess I should clarify. The problem is me twenty years ago. I know that I am no different than other people in the sense that when I was young, I was going to take on the world. I was going to let nothing stop me. I was young and full of gusto. And then like many others, life happens. Taking on the world isn’t quite what it was cracked up to be and all of the sudden paying the rent and put food on the table takes center stage and world domination gets put on the back burner and then eventually gets tossed into some cheap imitation tupperware and thrown somewhere in the kitchen to grow mold and eventually be tossed in the trash.

The problem is that Dan Schoedel from 1991 still speaks to me, almost haunting me. I feel sometimes like we are sitting on lawn chairs on the patio of my senior week condo in Ocean City while he berates me for “selling out.” I look at myself in disgust and frustration. I grab myself and ask “How have you become content with where you are? Have you forgotten all of your hopes and dreams? Have you forgotten all of the plans you made, trips you were going to take, the houses that you were going to buy? Have you forgotten about that pompous ass that worked with you at Hardees and told you that you were going to be fast food worker forever because you took some pride in your work, no matter how menial.” Little does the younger me realize that even though I can’t remember who the jerk was, the nasty cutting comment stuck with me and was a driving force every time I thought about quiting.

So there in lies my problem. Have I become content. Probably.Have I been successful. Yes. Am I successful? I don’t know.  But as much as I try to ignore that voice in my head, it haunts me. I wonder if I will ever find peace. Don’t get me wrong, I am blessed. I have a wonderful family, a good job and a loving and supportive wife. And maybe deep down inside, I don’t want that voice to leave. I guess I view it like the pilot light in stove. As soon as I squelch it, it’s over.

Why being a waiter is something that you should put on your resume

Okay, I should amend the title of this blog to “why being a GOOD waiter is something that you should put on your resume.” I remember many years ago I was fresh out of college and interviewing for jobs. I had read that if your resume is not full of experience that you should emphasize what skills that you had developed. Well taking this advice I attempted to convince a hiring manager during an interview that my experience as a waiter during college actually provided me with desirable skills. Needless to say the hiring manager was not impressed and I rarely used my experience as a server in interviews.

That being said, I should point out that I wasn’t trying to blow smoke up the hiring manager’s back side. I really felt that being a good server had helped me develop skills that would help make me successful in the business world. After many years of thought and reflection, I am more determined that this is true. I want to point out a few of the positives skills that I developed as a server that I use to this day.

The first habit I developed was to always approach people with a smile. I learned this skill early on in my serving days and I can not tell you how effective that this simple concept has been over the years. To this day, when I enter into a conversation, I try and always lead in with a smile. It sets a positive tone for the conversation and helps people let down their guard.

The next skills I developed was to maintain open communication with my customers. When trying to enjoy a meal with your family, nothing is more frustrating than not being able to find your server when you need something like a napkin or condiments. A simple stop by to check on a table does the job. “How is everything? Can I get you anything?” In the business world, failure to communicate can cause many issues. Taking a minute to drop an email makes all the difference. “Just wanted to let you know that I haven’t heard from the vendor regarding the meeting tomorrow.” Just be careful not to overdue it. We all know the server that drives their tables crazy checking on their tables too much or the person that can’t go to the bathroom with out emailing the whole world.

The next trait I picked up that I think is applicable is setting realistic expectations. A classic rookie server’s mistake is to tell their table that their food will be right up when they know that the kitchen is backed up. A veteran server finds a way to communicate to their customers that there will be a delay tactfully such as “I apologize but there is a back up in the kitchen but it shouldn’t be too long for your food. Can I get you some more rolls or any drink refills?” Setting realistic expectations in the professional ranks is also important. As hard as we try to meet all of our deadlines, things happen and deadlines get missed, sometimes to our own fault, sometimes not. Regardless as to who is at fault, communication is again the key. No one wants to hear that there will be a delay on what they are waiting for, but their frustration will be greater when then deadline is missed and they are blindsided. This can cause a domino effect in regards to other issues. If a person is aware of a delay before it occurs, it gives them a chance to plan accordingly.

The final skill that I acquired waiting tables that has been incredibly useful for my career in the IT field is the ability to answer for problems that I am not responsible for. As a server, you are constantly apologizing for problems with the kitchen or seating issues. Over my years of being a server, I became very accustomed to getting grief for other people’s mistakes. Though I don’t see this as a skill that all professionals will need, years of providing IT support this skill has come to use many times. “I am so sorry that the application that you need isn’t supported in Windows 7.” or “I know that you think that you need a high speed color printer at your desk but it wasn’t approved by my boss.”

Other positive skills that I picked up were listening, taking good notes and multitasking. But what all of my blog comes down to is that being a good waiter means developing excellent customer service skills and  people skills. Applying these skills in a professional business environment has helped me in my professional career as well.

A Stereotype I am getting sick of…..

I was recently listening to the radio when a commercial came on for a work boot. I don’t recall what boot it was for but after listening to it I was over come with the desire to call the maker of the boot and tell them to bite me. That’s right, bite me.  I should clarify why this thirty-second spot upset me so much. Though I don’t exact wording the gist of the commercial was that their boots were made for real men that don’t sit in a cubicle or work in an office building. Now I may sound like I am being silly but to be honest, I hear this notion that working in an office makes you weak or less manly and I am sorry but that is one hundred percent hokum.  I don’t mean to disparage any one for their career choice because I believe that all jobs are important and that no one should be looked down for what they do. But it should go both ways. Just because I have a college education and wear khakis and a polo shirt to work doesn’t mean that I don’t the ability to work with my hands. I made a choice to get my education so that I would have the option to do the kind of work that I choose.  Don’t get me wrong. Rugged boot manufacturer isn’t the only place that portrays this idea. You see it on sitcoms and movies and in music, especially in country music, where it is almost a sin to have worked hard and gotten a college education.  Hey Hollywood, hey rugged boot manufacturer, Hey Nashville… bite me. Working with my mind instead of my hands does not make me any less manly or any less rugged. It means that I have made a choice.

TheProfessor Dan

One hundred plus channels and there is nothing to watch

First off, this is my first blog. Yippee!!! Okay so that is out of the way so let me give you my thoughts on television. For some reason, television has been a hot topic or least what to watch has been a hot topic. I have always teased my wife because we tend to like different types TV shows. I like comedies. She likes reality television. And to be honest, until recently, I never gave this much thought until I started to talk to others about what kind of shows that they liked. When I did, I was floored. People watched shows that I never expected to them. But the conclusion that I came up to is that people choose to watch shows that meet a need in their life. Sometimes you need to laugh so you turn on the Big Bang Theory. Maybe you want  something to mentally challenge or enlighten you so you turn on the discovery channel. Maybe you need someone to validate or challenge your thoughts on politics or sports so you turn on CNN or ESPN. What ever it is I realized that I need to respect other peoples decisions to watch what they watch. I have teased my wife more times that I should about what she likes to watch and to be honest, that was wrong.  I welcome your thoughts on this topic.

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